Susie's (fat lady's) version.
Part 2

June 03, 2003 Tues
Fat Lady's second installment.

The fat lady left her mother again, this time to watch the runways. "Well, that plane seems to have made it. This one too seems to be surviving," she thinks to herself. She watches several more take off. "Well, perhaps ours has a chance then, even though it is awfully big," she ponders while finding herself a good position to visually inspect her aircraft.
Shortly after her return to her mother, the passengers begin boarding. Instead of another free-for-all, the passengers board according to seat number, and all is calm. The fat lady wishes, as she boards, that she could find some earth to kiss, but they are high above ground. The airplane's crew that greets them is all laughing and the fat lady notices the stewards are very young, very shaved-head, with earrings, wearing uniform shirts and skirts, and the background music is some sort of British punk/rock. "Well, Mom did say Virgin Atlantic is a lot different than our last flight, British Airways. She wasn't kidding." thought the fat lady , feeling a little old and stodgy, and remembering the crisp professionalism of BA's busy and capable crew.
They get to their row. The fat lady has the window seat and must enter first. To do so, she must stand on her toes, throw her hips forward while bending her upper back backwards, and, while hanging on to the seats in front, in this awkward poition she must take baby steps sideways to her destination. Wishing she had continued her childhood ballet classes, she somehow accomplishes this feat, and catches the heavy wine knapsack her mother heaves at her before taking her seat. They stow the wine under the seat in front. Their fellow passenger arrives. This is an expatriate from Czechoslovakia, a trim professional-looking woman in a brown suit and with olive skin and brown hair, turning 40. After introductions, the woman turns to them and says, "I know the British are tolerant about such things, but stewards wearing skirts is a bit much, don't you think?" "Perhaps they were wearing kilts" suggests the old lady. "No. They were skirts, " and she was off down to aisle to find out why. She returned a minute later saying that the stewardesses had dared the men to do their jobs wearing skirts.
Meanwile, the fat lady was visually inspecting the plane from her window vantage-point. Being only able to see the back of the row of seats in front of her, the cabin roof above her, a seat-belt/restroom sign, her mother and the Czech lady and a bit of wall-of-galley to the right, she was severely limited. All she could really inspect was the wing, and this did not look promising. "Look Mom, it looks like blood above the flaps, although its probably oil, but isn't that duct tape holding that section together?" Her mother nodded, said, "This is an old plane, " then knocked the fat lady's arm off their shared armrest, while asking, "Doesn't our neighbor remind you of Joanne?". The fat lady nodded, "Somehow I was thinking the same thing," she replied, knocking her mother's arm back off the shared armrest. Meantime, "Joanne" had found her most comfortable position, with her legs straight up resting on the seat in front of her. She would maintain this position for the next 11 hours, except at mealtimes.
Finally the plane begins to move. "Oh my God," worries the fat lady silently. "Now just breathe. Think of the roller coaster at Magic Mountain. This is fun too." They take off, climbing rapidly. The wine starts to roll backwards. They stop it with their feet. Ocean below, then the city. They're not falling. Everything seems ok.
Everyone starts fiddling with their remote controls to the large monitor screens on the back of each seat. The old lady and the fat lady have an unannounced competition to see who can figure it out first. The fat lady wins! She gets a menu of the movies available first. But the old lady is first to find the real-time map of where the plane is. There are 52 movies, with individual control by each passenger! The fat lady knows she won't be sleeping! She gets to work, trying to decide which movie to watch first. She tries "About Schmidt", but ends up watching "The Hours". Granny is watching "Gangs of New York".
A thimbleful of liquour is offered by the crew. The fat lady goes for Bailey's Irish Creme, while her mother asks for brandy. The fat lady was hoping the drinks would come soon. She remembers how it was on BA, being lighty inebriated the whole trip was fun and relaxing. Little do they yet realize that thimbleful will have to do for the whole trip! About every 10 minutes the fat lady checks the real-time map, then opens her windowshade, peeks out, and slams it down again. She is glad she ate that Whopper at Burger King!